found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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