I think my vagina is haunted
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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