If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize