I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
