You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
