So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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