You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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