you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i now understand why vodka
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
