Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So squirting runs in the family.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
