so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
