I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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