i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
