We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
