There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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