Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
