I'm gonna have a badass scar
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
