i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
