Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
