Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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