My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
