you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
