I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
