my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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