Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
