You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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