I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
stop calling my apartment porn island.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
