Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
