The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
