He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
