Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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