You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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