Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
