Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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