Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
