Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
