I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
