his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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