i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
your parents love me but you hate me
She's JV to your varsity
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
