I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You smell like stripper and shame
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
