u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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