You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
