he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
im on a boat
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