got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
