Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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