im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
