Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
