Already got asked if we're dating
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
