i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
