I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
