so that wasnt chicken after all
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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