remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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