I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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