I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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